I truly believe that my “look” gives the impression that I am serious and quite possibly “mean”. Over many years, I have been told that I look angry, and that I am difficult to “read”. It’s surprising to me because I think that my facial expressions actually make people laugh because that’s the response I get with my raised-eyebrows, and wide-open eyes, and basically, I can keep a straight face without loosing focus or control. In addition, while I’m sure there are times that I naturally look “serious”, I have been told on many occasion that my smile lights-up the room; from ear-to-ear. But, getting back to this “guarded-look”, which I wear in order to shield myself or protect myself from any harm, I believe that my appearance also contributes to this: I believe that people view me as a big man, weighing-in at about 220 pounds, just under 6 feet height, about 5 feet 11 inches. So, I think that most people would not want to engage in a conversation or push me the wrong way because I do not give a welcoming invitation into my space. I think I make people feel uncomfortable. Or, that I have a “wall” built up to protect me. My voice is loud and carries weight, intensity; volume, I project well. My posture is good, appearing with confidence, and my stare is controlled, “mean-looking” and intense. I think I am what I “wear” or “show”, because I do not want strangers to invade my space, so I think my defenses are up at all times, careful to not allow anyone to position themselves in an advantage over me. Perhaps I am too cautious, and too careful. I believe that most people will view me as “negative-looking”; too-serious”; an individual that is not fun to be with. At times, I believe that I am shy, while many would have you believe that I strive for the “spot-light”, when in fact, I really try to avoid it.
So, why am I describing this intense, probably too serious person who appears to be not enjoying life at all? I am sharing this because I think the above “look” has served me well as an educator; My characteristics have helped me to establish discipline in the classroom. Now, once people get to know me, students, colleagues, etc., they realize that I am a very caring individual, fun, and reasonable. But, again, at times, I still do notice that most, even with the passing of time, are careful and that I do possibly make many feel nervous. Another feature to my character is unpredictability. Most are not sure about my next move, and I think that this is good because again, it has served me so well in the classroom. Does this mean that most are afraid to approach me? I suppose, this is true. But, I do not mind this reaction because I am serious about what I do and I am also very careful, because I do not want to get hurt.
My daughter shares this characteristic. She looks “pensive”, in deep thought, and serious. Most people comment on her facial expressions as well. She believes that people are mis-reading her and that she often has to explain that she is perfectly alright and feeling fine. I think that she is like me, serious in deep thought and careful to avoid danger or careful not to extend trust.
Is this a talent that we have? Perhaps. It’s just our natural God-given look. Some people look happy and smile all the time. Perhaps, some people are pretending to look and feel happy. My daughter and I look serious and pensive, but it does not mean that we are sad or depressed. We just take “life” a bit too serious and perhaps we’re just a little afraid too.
